motivation

so things have been going about as shitty as they possibly could and i hit a real low point mentally last week. i've taken a step back to think and get a perspective on things and i think everything is ok now. that doesn't mean i will start winning big right away, but i'm on the right track.

i ran bad at 50nl and have been grinding sng's for a while. i cashed out a little to help with life and have been donking off money in mtt's hoping for the big score like a fish. i watched one of vital myth's vids today and i REALLY liked what he was saying and it just helped getting me to start thinking about the game again. i haven't really thought about anything in months. since like 7 months ago. i just fucking play the game now, i don't think. that needs to change and it will.

i have new found motivation and even though my 4k mini-goal for the month of september is looking a bit lofty i am in no way worried i won't make AT LEAST 25k by the end of the year. i'm off to play a bit.. 25nl and i'm not embarassed to say it. i really should be though, its' fucking annoying :/ lol. but i will think about the game and clean it up and move on with my career and that will be that. in 5 years i will look back on these times and thank myself for putting in the hard work when it needed to be done to achieve greater goals. the work needs to be done at some point and nobody is going to make me kick it back in gear. i need to want it myself and that's exactly what i want now. weird how i just realized i've been smoking all the time for the same reason i did back in the apartment and i didn't even realize it until now.

see you at the tables :O